The Evolution of a Conversation: Fruit to the Diarrhea Song

I was sitting at Shadowood Apartments in Chapel Hill, NC today with Will Speight and Jeff Lloyd.  We were watching the Braves/Mets game when Will asked, "If you could be a fruit or vegetable, which would you be?"

Lloyd and I both responded with "Cucumber."  I then offered another suggestion-Corn.  Corn rules because it never really dies.  You eat it, but it goes right through and comes out the way it went in.  Bathroom gold I like to call it.

Jeff then asked, "how are turds formed?"  Speight and I then discussed some anatomy and physiology and tried to straighten that out.  Inevitably, when dudes talk about turds, diarrhea will come up. 

Lloyd then sang, "When you're sliding in to third and you feel a little turd--Diarrhea, Diarrhea."  He then shouted, "The Diarrhea Song!  I loved it back in the day!"

We then pieced together the lyrics by going through our extensive memory vaults...and via google.

"When you're sliding into first, and you feel a little burst--Diarrhea, Diarrhea"
"When you're sliding into two, and your pants are filled with goo--Diarrhea, Diarrhea"
"When you're sliding into third, and you feel a greasy turd--Diarrhea, Diarrhea"
"When you're sliding into home, and your pants are filled with foam--Diarrhea, Diarrhea"

Later, suckers!