The day I met Dick Vitale

 
You know how lots of people love to say, "I don't really get star struck."  I'm not going to blatantly lie to your face and say that.  Famous people occasionally give me pause.

When I was reporting on the UNC basketball team 2 years ago, I ran into lots of sports celebs, and if I would have had a camera phone at the time, I would have clicked some pics.  Among others, I met:  Roy Williams, all the UNC basketball players, Phil Ford, Coach K (loser), Gary Williams (Maryland), Andy Katz (ESPN), Seth Davis (CBS), and Erin Andrews.  These were brief encounters.  Don't get me wrong; I wasn't partying with these people.  Actually, I was...They just didn't know it.

Anyway, I also met Dick Vitale.  This was not a brief encounter.  I feel like I know him very well now...Too well, maybe.  He came to broadcast a couple of games in Chapel Hill in 2008-2009, and I had seen him already, but on the night Clemson came to town, I got to meet the man, the myth, the legend.

Aight, so it was halftime, and I needed to use the restroom, so I made my way into the UNC media room bathroom.  It is not an adequate facility.  2 stalls for about 50 users.  I go in there and hear what sounds like a man in serious pain.  It sounded like a dude was A) constipated B) giving birth C) doing an intense workout in the stall or D) dying.  All I heard was "ohhhhhaahhhhwhoaaa!!!  Oh!  OOOOOOOO!"  Needless to say, I was confused.


So, like any good man...I ignored it, and acted like nothing was happening.  I do my thing, and get ready to wash my hands.  Next thing I know, I hear "Woo!" and out of door number 2 walks Dick Vitale.  Awesome.
It was just me and him.  Mano y mano.  He exclaimed with excitement:  "I BEEN HOLDING IT ALL DAY, BABY!!!!"  Incredible.  I laughed loudly.  Mind you, Dick Vitale doesn't know me from Adam.  Then--without washing his hands--he puts his right hand on my back, gives me 2 pats and 2 shoulder squeezes.  Awesome.  Gross. But awesome.  I'm now drying my hands, and I left the water running because I thought to myself, "Dick Vitale will wash his hands now, so I will leave this faucet running to impress and befriend him."

Instead of immediately jumping to the sink, he just stands there and says, "how's it going?"  I said, "just hanging out at the Dean Dome and getting paid for it.  Another day at the office.  You?"  His face lit up.  And then, just like he was reading from his own quote book, he said, "Oh, what an office!  What an office!  How lucky are we?  We get paid for this?  Are you serious? ARE YOU SERIOUS?  Incredible!"  I immediately thought, "you get paid a lot more than me, but I'll buy that."  This was an unbelievable conversation, and I wasn't taking it for granted, but I was still thinking that any second, Dick Vitale is going to wash his hands.  I mean, the faucet was still running... 

At this point, I'm completely done but I'm just standing there.  With my hands in my pockets.  In the bathroom.  Talking to Dick Vitale.  NBD. 

Finally, he steps up to the sink.  He puts both hands in the running water.  Clearly I'm thinking, "there it is!  It's hand-washing time for Dickey V!!!"  Instead of reaching for the soap, he wets his hands and puts them on top of his bald head...."IT'S HOT IN HERE!  GOTTA COOL OFF!  LITTLE SPLASH WILL FIX IT.  THIS BALD HEAD GETS HOT!  YOU GOT HAIR.  HOW HOT ARE YOU?"

I didn't know what to say.  So, I didn't say anything.  I gave him a confirmatory nod with my lower lip protruding.

He then wiped his unclean hands on his pants.  "Nice talking with you.  Enjoy the office!" he said.  Then, he walked out.  If this story were a western, he would have rode off into the sunset.  I never saw him again.  So long Dick Vitale.  So long. 

Wash your hands.