When people introduce themselves and tell you a little bit of their background, they always think it's hi-larious to add, "and I like long walks on the beach." Everybody then laughs as a result of a pathetic trained social reflex...except me.
First of all, that joke is just as old, if not older, than responding to the news that a 16-year-old just got their first driver's license with, "Uh oh! I better stay off the roads! Hur, hur, hur!" Idiots. I was personally offended when people used the "stay off the roads" with me at age 16. I would not laugh or smile. I would blankly stare at them until they awkwardly walked away. Neither the beach joke nor the driving joke would be funny even if they weren't as old as Regis Philbin.
Second, I love long walks, but haven't you ever noticed the slightly (sometimes moderately) sloped landscape of a beach? It makes it feel like you're walking without one of your shoes on. It drives me nuts. Also, at many beaches, especially Myrtle Beach, there is a constant heavy wind that does NOT blow in from the ocean but instead parallel to the coast line. This means when you walk one way, you feel like you just snorted a line of cocaine and you're walking uber fast, like an Olympic speedwalker. BUT, when you turn around, you get dominated by the wind, and it feels like you just snorted tons of antihistamines like Benadryl, and you're walking up a steep hill.
All that being said, I love the beach. I prefer the beach to the mountains or to bare flat lands. I simply don't enjoy long walks on it.
Happy New Year! Suckers.
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